Hey guys, welcome back! It’s Halloween week and I’m excited. Of course I won’t be going out like I used to but that’s ok. I still have plenty of at home traditions that I plan on doing. Watching the original Halloween movie as well as other creepy stuff and eating some of the candy myself because we no longer get trick or treaters. (And I’m an adult and I can.)
Anywhoo, I just finished editing the fifth draft of my book. I made some big cuts, got rid of a ton of words and while there’s still thousands to go, this round of edits proved to be very productive.
I’m going to be taking the next night or two to map out exactly what should be kept in this book, what can be moved to the next and how I want to rearrange some things to make this flow a bit better. Mapping it out to make the best possible story that I can.
The one thing I noticed in this last go around was how much I wanted to cut. I think having that month+ break from editing really had me going into this read through with a more open mind. Getting reacquainted with my characters again in a way that made me less attached than I had been in the past. So making cuts didn’t feel so personal as it has been for the past year and a half.
That sounds funny, I know. But when you are so embedded inside a story for so long, you live and breathe your characters as though they were living beings. Living in a town you’ve created as well as going through their daily lives as if it were your own. Add to that the fact that due to illness, I live in my bed. So basically, living vicariously though these people has made it hard to cut anything at all. Now? Well, I’m being more realistic and have figured out where big chunks can be saved for another book.
Speaking of being ill, going on months again of being sick in a different way than I normally am. Having flu symptoms that never end. (Don’t worry, going back to the doctor to figure this crap out.) However one thing that has been plaguing me for the last ten years is a growing anxiety about leaving my house. If you know me at all, this is completely opposite of my once more than social personality.
I’ve always been the one to gather my friends together, plan the parties, go out every night, etc. Now? If I know I have to leave my house for an appointment, I have trouble sleeping for a week. I have trouble speaking…either babbling incoherently or not saying a word. I can speak out about some things but if I’m uncomfortable about others, I keep silent often making the situation worse. Not like the old me at all.
If there are plans in the works in the future, I hope for days they get cancelled. Even though I know that in the long run, I’ll be happy I went, I also crash so hard after being out that I often sleep for 18+ hours after being out of the house. Again, I know some of this is that I’ve been ill for so long, but honestly, it’s almost become paralyzing.
While I don’t have to worry about “big” plans for a long time, as again, I feel like hell, just knowing I have a doctor appointment has me nauseous. I really miss the days when every day was a new adventure. Jumping in the car, not knowing where I’d be headed off to, or seeing my friends daily and catching up was my favorite time of my life. No anxiety. Hated being home. Wanted to be out all the time. Now even taking a little walk after bringing out the garbage takes a fifteen minute pep talk to get me moving.
All of this is to say that even though this is happening, I have been making the best of my time at home. I lose myself in books and true crime docs. I write and edit, I also design stuff for my POD shops and sell vintage/estate jewelry…none of these things will support me in any way right now, but at least these are things that keep my mind working. (And I can dream of becoming a best selling author as soon as I get published, right?)
No matter what our own personal demons are, we need to keep going. We need to find our own ways to find happiness in our world. I may not go out and see people, but reading a ton, I get to visit other places. Through my writing, I get to CREATE other places. It is really the only time I’m not stressed or thinking about what I should have said to someone or the fact that I have to leave the house the next day. It keeps me grounded in ways that I wouldn’t have sought out in the past.
We need to do what’s best for us. Find ways to deal with our own situations and if we find some happiness along the way? All the better.
Just remember, we don’t know what someone else is going through, so be kind. Share a smile with a stranger. You may be the one thing that gets them through that day. I may be an internal basket case when I’m out and about, but I still try to make someone laugh or smile when I see them. It costs nothing and you may just make their day!
And that is where I will leave you for today. If you’d like to get in the ‘spooky’ spirit, I invite you to check out the Stamford History tab here on my site. I wrote several articles for my old website on the Legends of our city that are both haunting and creepy. I did it every Halloween for years and you never know what you’ll learn along the way!
Until next time…cheers all!
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If you’d like to check out my other shops, find fall and holiday goodies and so much more, click: HERE
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If you’ve made it this far, I thank you and will see you real soon!! 🙂
