Hey guys, welcome back. Hope everyone is doing well and hey, welcome to September! So excited that the ‘Ber months are officially upon us. This is my favorite time of the year and I plan to embrace all parts of it…even the silly. I’ve already spotted some leaves changing and absolutely love catching seasonal commercials on tv. I know it sounds silly, but it’s what makes me happy and after having missed out on the entire last four months of the year last year due to illness, I am trying to keep a promise to myself to make this year count as best I can. And that includes laughing every time I see the new Halloween Reces peanut butter cup commercial on.

This week however, is a tough one for me (as it is for so many) and this post is going to be a bit different from my usual because of it.  As I write this, it is September 9th. This date has significance for me on two fronts and while the 25th anniversary of 9/11 is in two days, I’m sure there are people out there thinking, wtf is with the 9th? Well, let me tell you…

If you’ve read my post “A Bit of Personal History” in my about section, you have an idea of where I’m going with this. If you haven’t, (that’s ok), let me explain…

Ten years ago today, my life completely changed. I was happily working in a dream job. I was excited for my future and how after many (many) years, my life was finally falling into place. I had a plan. I had a fresh start and then September 9, 2016 came and it all crashed around me.

The night before, a Friday, I had been at a goodbye party for a friend of mine as she left her position to head towards her own future. It was a great, (very drunken) evening with friends and I laughed the entire time. So when I woke up the next day feeling like hell, of course I blamed the night before.

That Saturday I was headed to the fifth birthday party of a special little guy. I sucked up the hangover and headed to see some extended family and loved watching all the kids having a great time. The only problem was that as the day went on, I was feeling worse and started to realize, it wasn’t a hangover at all. By the next day, I was down for the count. Felt like the flu. A bad flu. I couldn’t even sit up and the next day headed to urgent care where they told me I had developed pneumonia.

A week later I was worse. They thought it was my heart. By the next week, I was walking with a cane. My job was on the line as I had now taken too much time off and couldn’t keep up remotely because I could barely see the screen in front of me to get anything done. My hours were off and I was sleeping constantly.

By October, I was dealing with several doctors. All specialists. All trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I lost my position at work and cried for days because I loved it there so much. I was so sick, I couldn’t breathe properly. I had undergone dozens of tests and by January was walking with crutches because I couldn’t hold myself up to walk. 2017 had me on 32 different medications and they still couldn’t figure out what was going on with me…and this has been the last 10 years of my life.

I’ve had months here and there of feeling like myself. Being able to participate in life again. A summer a few years ago, I was able to be an honorary baseball mom and go to all the games of the little guy and his brother and help out as best I can with the kids. I was even running around and playing wiffle ball to the point you’d never know anything had been wrong with me. When setbacks hit, they hit hard. Just like last August. That one lasted a full year with me in bed. Only recently have I started to come around a bit, doing better and yet, still feeling funky here and there.

To me, this date is the anniversary of my life going to hell and the constant and exhausting fight to try and get it back on track. I often make the joke that I had always wished for time to write…but be careful what you wish for because while I got it, it came at a major cost. The positive flip of that being, I’ve written two books. (Both in heavy edits.) I started this site. I’m trying to build my following on social and have several shops with my designs in them. So while I’m not really making money from any of it, (unfortunately), at least it’s keeping my mind from turning to mush and hey, I wrote two books!

September 9th also has significance for a whole other reason. Twenty five years ago, this day will forever be etched into my head and I relive it as if it happened yesterday.

That day was a Sunday. The weather was more than perfect. Blue skies, no clouds, temperature was warm but not too warm and we went to a big event a few towns over right on the water with the breeze making it even more pleasant. Just the most amazing day.

After walking around the venue for a while, we decided to get some food and take a break. I went to save the seats and as I was looking out over the water and then up to the sky, I was consciously taking note of how spectacular the day was. I kept thinking that this is the kind of day you hold onto because life can change in an instant. I’d never been so aware. It was like the day was embedding itself into me.

The other remarkable thing about that day? The dragonflies.

I should say here, I have always felt connected to dragonflies and this particular Sunday, they were everywhere. It was so bizarre. I was followed by them, they circled me and while I was sitting in the seat waiting for my food, they surrounded me. At first I thought I was seeing things but there was a family sitting behind me and they started commenting on it. Even as we talked to each other, there were none near them! They watched as I put my hand out and a couple of the dragonflies would land on my hand, my arm, my head, my shoulder. I was in heaven and yet so confused. Again, I took a mental note of this because I felt this was something so special, I was meant to absorb what was going on.

As my mother came back with our food, she told me she had stopped and noticed what was happening. I was like a Disney character come to life. I’d been given the nickname Dr. Doolittle years ago because animals are drawn to me at the oddest times, but this was something so different.

I soaked in the moment again thinking that this was happening for a reason. I’ve always been one to look for signs and symbolism in things and there was just something about this that made me wonder what it was all about.

We left that day with smiles on our faces after having a great time and then two days later, with the same gorgeous weather, the world turned upside down.

I won’t go into the events of 9/11 here or what we went through in our home. That is our own story. Of all the things I remember from that day, I remember thinking of the Sunday just two days prior and how I thought things could change in an instant…and oh how they did.

Years later on another 9/11, I went to one of our town’s memorials down by the water. (I live in a coastal town where we can see the NYC skyline.) I took my time walking around and headed to the nature preserve off of the main park. As I came out of the short path into the main space of the park, I heard the most incredible sound. It was like a helicopter was landing nearby. We have helipads in another section of town and we get air traffic from JFK and LaGuardia in NYC so it was possible. However, what I saw? Wasn’t a helicopter at all.

Hundreds of thousands of dragonflies had invaded the preserve! I’ve never seen anything like it before or since. They were everywhere and it was hard to focus on anything because there were so many of the creatures, things blurred out.

I was the only one there. It was so peaceful, even with the steady hum of the insects. I sat down right on the walking path and let them fly and land all around me. I tried to take pics, but unless you really zoomed in, you couldn’t tell just how many there were and they were so fast, so I stopped. I sat and savored the moment knowing this will never happen again in my lifetime. I’ve since researched this and found that they can migrate in swarms, something I had never known before.

I sat and cried to myself. The day was already a somber one with that day’s anniversary, but with all of these beautiful creatures flying and landing around me, it took me right back to that Sunday when they surrounded me in a field before the world changed. The last conscious day of happiness when the world was still ‘normal’. It was a full circle moment for me and one I have treasured since.

Two days. Same date. Years apart. Both with incredible meaning. Of course what happened to us as a collective 25 years ago means something to me and I had gone to a very dark place after that happened. But this date? The 9th? This date is more personal. Two sides of a coin. Total opposite realities. One positive, one negative. And yet through it all, I am still here. You are still here. And for that, I am truly grateful.

And that is where I will leave you for today. Until next time…cheers!

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If you’ve made it this far? I thank you and will see you soon. 🙂