Heatwave – Chronic Illness – A-ha Moment

Photo credit: me 🙂

Hey guys, welcome back! Hope everyone has been hanging in there with the heat, wherever you are. Here in the Northeast, we are gearing up for a long stretch of brutally high temps and I’m already counting down the days to my first pumpkin spice latte.

If you know me at all, or have been following along, you may know that I am not a summer person. Ok, so that is putting it lightly. I hate this time of the year. Having said that however, the last few years, I’ve been learning to embrace it a bit more. I think I even remember enjoying the last few summers! (Go figure.)

This year though, I’m just trying to get through it. Not being someone for hot weather, it is already gearing up for a long season. I’ve been escaping into books as usual and have a line of holiday themed ones ready for Chrismas in July escapism. I’ve already seen back to school ads on tv and I will be looking for the first fall catalogs to come in the mail after the 4th of July, which always gets me through.

Now I know a lot of you out there are rolling your eyes and that’s fine. I do the same when I hear the complaints about cold weather and the holiday ads coming way too soon. So I get it. What many don’t understand though isn’t just that I’m not a fan of the summertime, it’s a difficult season when you live with chronic illnesses.

When I was younger, I had a lot of fun in the summer. Vacations or cookouts with friends, it was all good. When I got sick just under 10 years ago, the hot weather started to wreak havoc with the pain that I deal with on a 24/7 basis. You see, I have what some call ‘invisible disabilities.’ Meaning, you wouldn’t know to look at me that I have a whole lot going on.

Between pain and breathing issues, it has taken a toll on me. If you’ve been following along here, you know that I started my latest setback last August. I missed out on my favorite time of the year because of it. (September-New Year) So here we are in summer once again and I was JUST starting to pull out of this setback. I’ve been a little more active. I’ve been able to help out more, doing such trivial tasks as taking the garbage to the other side of our complex and grocery shopping. Yes, I’ve even had fun at the grocery store. I mean come on, they play good music there now!

With the heat though, comes a little backslide. The pain increases, sleep is hit and miss. I’m either completely passed out or up for a day or two. Add humidity to the mix and my breathing is shot to hell. And to add insult to injury? My bedroom AC died and I’m dealing with a room that got up to 97 during the last time the temps rose. This time I’m trying a few different things to get the room cooler, just call me MacGuyver!

I’ll get off of this subject in a second, just wanted to say, if you know someone who deals with illness of any kind, be sure to check up on them. Make sure they are ok. Be sympathetic if they are having a tough time or keep canceling plans on you. There just might be a reason they do that and that reason could be that the heat is giving them a harder time than they usually have. Enough of the soapbox, let’s get back to the regular stuff…

During one of my sleepless nights, or in my case, days, I suddenly had an idea about how to cut a shitton of words in my manuscript! It would help cut my word count by a whole lot and bring about a deeper part of the storyline that has been lacking. Now I just have to write it.

With ADHD comes a lot of doing everything but doing what I’m supposed to do. So after I had this remarkable revelation on how to fix my book, I did what any other writer would do. I read a book, did some laundry, cleaned the bathroom, binge watched 9-1-1, edited previously edited chapters. Now it has been two days since I figured out how to fix this story bridge and I have yet to rewrite the section.

The one great thing about this, is that I know I’m not alone. I’ve befriended a lot of writers on the internet and we all do the same thing. We do anything but what we are supposed to be doing, ADD or not. It’s in the author’s DNA to postpone the work. Thankfully, I’m not on a deadline. Actually, if I was, I’d do it last minute like I always did in school. (At least stuff got done.) Having no deadline means I can take my time to make this right. Or binge more Chicago Fire when my brain decides to take a vacation.

The point here is, I’ve figured it out. The execution of it? Hopefully I’ll have better news on that front in a future post.

In the meantime, for those celebrating, Happy 4th of July. For those beating the heat? KEEP HYDRATED. And for those sticking with me throughout all of this? I thank you greatly!

Until next time folks…cheers!!

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If you’ve gotten this far, I thank you and will see you soon!

Thinking about milestones…

Photo by me. 🙂

Hey guys, welcome back! It’s the weekend and feeling more Fall-like here in the northeast than the last weekend of May. (Which is just fine with this Fall loving girl!)

Over the last two weeks, there’s been a few milestones happening in both my life and those around me. This weekend alone, both my mother and one of my closest friends hit milestone birthdays. (You know, the kind with a zero at the end of the number?) Of course both act decades younger than they are, so there’s that. 😬

The other milestone that happened was that I have actually cut over 100,000 words in my manuscript! With the average submission word count requested being between 80-130,000, I’ve literally cut an entire book from my book.

It boggles the mind that I wrote well over 400,000 words in a matter of months, let alone now trying to edit those words down into a story that makes sense after those cuts. But the fact that I’ve done this much makes me realize that I’ve done a lot more work than it feels like I have.

Let’s face it…when doing a task for a good length of time, after a while it can feel as if you’ve been standing still and not making any progress at all. When I decided to run the numbers after the fourth edit was complete last week, I was in shock. However, I was also so happy that I decided to run those numbers. I’ve been so frustrated thinking that I’m just not getting anywhere at all. Turns out, I really have been making a difference. Even if it’s just been 10 words here, a paragraph there. Inch by inch, I really have been productive. It was the first time I let out a deep breath in a long time.

Now on my fifth edit, I stalled a little again when another story came into my head. Thankfully, this is not just my own problem. I’ve been in touch with other authors who deal with this as well. (Always good to talk to others who are on a similar path for just such support.) So I started writing that one down, am now six chapters in and now that it’s cleared my head out a bit, I can now get back to the task at hand. I’ve worked too damned hard over this past year+ to just abandon this book.

I also have another completed book that I need to edit. That one, oh boy, that one means so much to me and I would love to get that book out as soon as I can. But just as this post has become a stream of ramblings, imagine what is inside my head and why I can’t do just one thing at a time.

Dealing with attention issues is a part of my journey. Thankfully I’ve started to work on that to help my focus and try to compartmentalize what I need to get done. Is it working? Eh, still trying. At least I’ve been able to recognize what needs to be done and how I can take the steps to continue down this road I’ve started on.

In the meantime, I thank you for letting me use this as a kind of therapy session. If you take nothing else from this post, I hope you take this…keep going. Even if it feels as if you’re not making progress? You are. Sometimes even the smallest steps can move you forward.

And that is where I will leave you for today. Until next time folks…cheers!

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If you’ve gotten this far, I thank you so much and will see you soon! 🌸

Stuck – Stuck – Oh Yeah, Stuck!

Hey guys, welcome back and welcome to March! We’ve made it through the dredges of the Winter months and Spring is on the horizon. Of course there is still lots of unpredictable weather ahead and I’m fine with it. I love a good stretch of dark, rainy weather. But then, I’m a vampire and am not too fond of sunlight.

Anywhooooo….been trudging along with stuff and trying to find the humor in the everyday nonsense that is life. After all, if we do not do this, we would spontaneously combust and really, who has the time for that?

The one area where my humor is currently lacking is my book. No not in the content, after all, I have it pegged as a romcom (albeit with some serious undertones), but with the execution. I mentioned in previous posts that I’ve found a solution to my word cutting issue. Well, that has since gone out the window.

My solution so far this week has been to try and clear my head a bit. Watch more meditation and ASMR videos (yes, I love ASMR, so relaxing) and recently I’ve found someone on YouTube who deals with art therapy. Using different art techniques to focus on the task at hand to clear your mind up for other things. I love this idea as I used to create things to do just that. Refocus my energy to open myself up to new ideas.

I do this a lot while I’m making dinner or in the shower or even reading. Suddenly an idea comes to me and it’s the eureka moment I crave. I’ve thought of many plot lines while doing other things. In fact, over the weekend I came up with another story idea and had to get it out of my head. I ended up writing two chapters of it which actually felt great as I’ve greatly missed the writing part of writing. However, it didn’t help me with the task at hand.

Anyway, when I got into this rut of just reading my manuscript over and over and not coming up with something that would help me, having this artist woman say exactly what I used to say to myself? It was like a mini eureka moment. I mean, how have I not been doing this? It’s my pattern after all! When I used to make jewelry, I’d come up with so many ideas for other things. When I design a new card or sticker or bookmark for my creative business, I become clear headed about life stuff. However, sometimes it takes an outsider to give you that virtual slap against your head to jiggle your brain into action. Now I just need to find that trigger that lets me know how to get from point A to point B in my book.

In the meantime, I’ve been revisiting some other small business owners’ socials that I’ve followed for a while to learn how to create new products and how to integrate certain things into the shops that I have now. I’m thinking that this incredible bout of editor’s block may end up helping me in other ways. I just really, REALLY want to finish this book.

If you’ve been following me, you know of my passion for this work of mine. I love it. I really do. And I think the fact that my mind won’t get off the endgame of it…having it published and in the readers’ hands…is now more of a distraction than motivation. As someone who has trouble with focus, I need to get back to the motivation of it.

So here I am, hoping that by writing this post and getting my worries out into the universe, my mind will clear up even more and I will suddenly get the revelation that I so greatly need. Because I know it’s there. I can see it off in the distance waiting for me. Now I just need to figure out the best way to find it.

And that is where I will leave you for today. I know that most posts, I try to leave you with a bit of motivation. I really strive for that and do hope you got something from this post as a whole. However, every now and then, a ramble such as this just needs to be let out and I thank you for being here to read these ramblings.

Until next time…cheers!

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Holidays – Stress – Holiday Spirit

Photo credit: JillWellington on Pixabay

Hey guys, welcome back! I hope everyone is doing well and I want to say a giant thank you for continuing to come back and see what I’ve been up to. While it’s never anything too exciting, hopefully I’ve been doing something right here.😉

 I don’t know about you, but the holiday season is making me lose my mind. Trying to work on the book has been interesting during this last week. I’ll be in the middle of a paragraph and suddenly remember I forgot to order something for Christmas. Then of course, the Amazonian doom scrolling happens and two hours later, (and after adding lots of stuff I’d like to get after Christmas to my save for later), I go back to the book, forgetting what I was doing.

However, one of the good things about this time of the year, is that I know I’m not alone. No matter what you are celebrating, or not celebrating, the end of the year brings about high blood pressure all around.

Being a one to strictly celebrate in a secular manner, I’m usually a total goofball around Christmastime. I watch all the specials (all hail Rankin/Bass), tv episodes with holiday themes and movies, (no hallmark, come on). I love to check out the holiday lights and LOVE to shop for gifts. This year has been tough for me to get into the spirit of the season, especially being in bed almost 24/7, however I’ve been working on it. Hell, even the year I had chicken pox as a kid, I was all about the holiday!

Many years ago, when I was still learning the internet and how to create a webpage, I created a Christmas website. It started as one page for kids and ballooned to something that to this day, I’m still proud of. I was completely self taught. I learned how to code it, design graphics for it including those for the two advent calendars, became an early affiliate (which was so new back then) and was even listed on top 50 sites around the globe. While several things had to be taken off as time wore on and some old links no longer worked, I still updated it last year and made sure to keep it going. I’ll link it under this post if you’d like to visit Eggboy’s Christmas Celebration…just please remember, it was created in the late 90’s and the graphics are as such.

One thing that’s been helping me get in the holiday mood are the old school gems I’ve found on YouTube. Retro specials and old holiday tv ads that I used to look forward to every year. I’ve started to watch those and the memories have come flooding back. I’ve also been watching more shows and stuff and with just days to spare, the spirit is seeping in. Oh and of course, I have a stack of holiday themed romance books next to me that I’ve been working though and will continue to read them well past the holiday season to keep me in the spirit a bit longer.

The next days will be filled with the usual mayhem of wrapping presents, trying to squeeze in as many silly things to watch as I can and gearing up for my favorite night of the year, Christmas Eve. No other night of the year compares for me. I keep an insanely strict schedule that night to savor every second. I do the same things every single year and even though I haven’t been a kid for quite some time, you bet your ass I’m still looking out the window every now and then to see if I spot a big guy and his sleigh. I even follow both the NORAD and Google Santa Trackers! (Because why not?)

 I’ll be missing out on some writing time this week and that’s ok. I need to clear my head a bit for the next steps. I completed the latest read through tonight and think I finally have a handle on how this book is going to move forward. I am quite upset that I am missing my self-imposed deadline for it to be finished, but I’ve finally decided that it’s ok. It was one I put on myself. I have no one to answer to right now and if I was to declare the book ‘finished’? It would be a freaking train wreck. Not only is it still entirely too long, but if I was to just cut things left and right to only focus on the word count? It wouldn’t make sense. So as much as it hurts, I’ve learned to accept that it will get done when it gets done. 

I was on a great path for it to be finished by now, but life is funny stuff. I wasn’t expecting to be sick for more than 80% of the year and the last few months have just kicked my ass. Maybe this was a way for me to slow down and look at the book as a whole. To figure out what is important to the story. To rearrange things, change the timeline and time of the year. I live by the rule that ‘things happen for a reason’ and I gotta think that maybe I was getting ahead of myself with the writing when I got sick. This slow down time, while frustrating as hell, has given me a new perspective and I can only hope that I will finish it with a much better all around story than it is right now. So am I close to being finished? No. However, that’s ok. It is what it is. Instead, it’s time to focus on the holidays and the things done that still need to get done. Santa only comes once a year and I want it to be special for him. 🎅🏻

And that is where I will leave you for today. As always, I thank you SO much for being here. For following my journey and for the support that I’ve been shown by so many of you. (Especially for reading the posts that were obviously done after the meds have kicked in. LOL)

I’ll be back before Christmas, but for those celebrating holidays right now, enjoy, be safe and may they be incredibly wonderful.

Until next time…cheers all!

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Made it this far? I thank you! Hang in there and let’s find the fun this holiday, ok? The way this year has gone, I think we all deserve a bit of fun. See you soon. 🥰

November – Goals? – Possible Rewrite

Photo credit: Engin_Akyurt on Pixabay.

Hey guys, welcome back and welcome to November! I am still in shock that it is already nearing the end of the year as in my mind, it’s still September. However, I love this time of the year and have been slowly transitioning from the Fall/Halloween decorations to the holiday stuff. Some may say it’s too early and I really do not care. If it makes you happy, you do it. And seeing our place decked out in thousands of lights always makes me happy.

Anywhoo, let’s get on with it shall we?

First off, hope everyone had a lot of fun and had some trick or treaters over Halloween. We had none, yet we bought enough candy for the entire city. (We like to be prepared.) I am one for traditions and do the same things every year. The only one I really flaked on though was my annual screening of the original Halloween. I like to make a game (used to be a drinking game but, meds) out of how many times PJ Soles says ‘totally.’ Trust me, it’s a lot and you can get one hell of a buzz off doing it. This year, I wasn’t feeling the movie though. I watched the first twenty minutes and went back to Big Bang reruns. Halloween was always huge with me. Loved dressing up, going to parties, going to our favorite bars and man, did my group of friends know how to do it up right! Miss those days, but that’s ok. I still celebrate in my own way and it is all a part of the best time of the year: Sept. 1st- Dec. 31st. Now, I’m looking forward to this month, thanksgiving, my birthday and letting the holiday season seep into my very soul…it’s what makes me, me.

So enough of that stuff, what about the book? Well, I’m stuck. Like super stuck. I’m in yet another read through, proud to say I’ve now hit the 10,000 word mark of words cut and still have hundreds of thousands left to go. I’m noticing something different this time around though and if you’ll indulge me a little, I need to get it out here and see if the thought still holds true…

I’m thinking a big rewrite may be in order. There, I said it.

The more I’m re-reading this manuscript, the more I’m finding an underlying storyline that I didn’t see before. Again, I’d very much like this to be a series and this is of course, the origin story. But I’ve been noticing that there are things I wrote that have been swept under the rug and could be crucial character traits for later on.

I’m also finding it impossible to figure out where the major cuts have to come from. I’ve said several times that to me, the way it is written now is exactly how I want it to read. But it is so long. Like, so, so long. I’ve been trying to also figure out if I can just cut what I have into several books. I mean, the word count is certainly there for a multiple book series as it is now. However, if I cut it up that way, it won’t make sense.  Ok, so next is mixing and matching chapters to reel it in better, but then the flow is lost. If I do a rewrite, I will be able to keep some of what’s there now, introduce more from the side characters and create more depth to the story earlier than what is presented in the draft I already have done.

Another thing I keep going back and forth on is the heavier storyline. This book is half romcom-half serious story with a message. If I keep the romcom aspects with the rewrite, yes, it would be an entire romantic comedy book. I could make the serious storyline a whole separate book but then there goes the FMC’s backstory. I’d also like to be able to use this platform as a way to get the more serious story out there. To prove that survival can happen. That you can in fact, not only move on from a dark past but also start a whole new life on your own terms. Up until this latest read through, I thought I did a damned good job of getting that message out there. Again, it is just a very LONG message. And just how bad do I want the heavier past to be?

If you understood any of that? Way to go! Imagine this going round and round in my head 24/7 even while I’m sleeping. This is life now. Well, this and reading…and watching Hamilton on repeat.

My goal was to have the first draft done by Christmas. I was hoping upon hope that with the new year, I’d have something to submit. Now here it is, November and I may have to rewrite this whole thing. Can I still meet the goal? I guess we’ll have to see! This my friends is what keeps me going. The utter insanity of trying to get a book done by the end of the year, while sick, while trying to get through my TBR list of books and while on meds that some nights? Have me reading the same paragraphs over and over again. I say, place your bets now to see if I can do this. (Hint: I’m damned determined to do this!)

And that is where I am leaving you for today. A crazed ramble of thoughts, more than I usually do, as my brain turns to mush while I read the same story on a loop. I think this time though? I’ve hit the nail on the head of what needs to be done. To pull from what is already written and turn it into the book that I KNOW is inside of me. To do the rewrite and make it something so much better than what I already have done. 

And if you’ve been following along with this? Please know, that I think you are awesome and I thank you for being there. Having a platform to work out my issues has been more than therapeutic. It has kept me focused and more than driven than ever to get this done.

Until next time, I wish you all a happy new month and may there be lots of awesome opportunities coming to you over these next weeks! Cheers guys!!

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If you’d like to follow me on social, including my #booktok, you can find my links: linktr.ee/promosocially

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I have lots of fall and holiday themed books listed in my on the bookshelf pages here on the site! Be sure to see the menu bar for my other pages and get yourself some seasonal reads!

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If you’ve made it this far, I can’t thank you enough. Just, thank you. See you soon! 🍁